Monday, December 5, 2011

The Party is Here

Today my Bean is 23 months old. This is the last month I can name her age by months without someone thinking I'm a bit silly, but I may just do it to keep her my baby a little longer. Of course, she is blasting through this baby business lately and I am seeing a determined, confident little girl starting to appear. At mother's day out, they always say "the party is here" as she runs down the hallway to her class waving and saying hi to everyone along the way. A friend of mine says "This is Bean's world. We are just visiting."

And they are right. Bean is a beautiful child. (I have no qualms in saying this since we don't share DNA.) I see how strangers turn to look at her and how she lights up any room she walks into with a happy energy. She rarely meets a stranger and while she loves all the attention, she is also ready to "He'p" someone who is hurt or to ask if someone is "Okay." And each time I see her in action I think "don't mess this up, Julie." I have never felt so terrified as I do thinking about her future. I know all too well some of the things that can really hurt a girl's spirit. I am still putting pieces of myself back together years later. I so want to protect her from the bumps and heartaches of growing up, all the while knowing that is just part of it. But is it too much to hope for a few bumper pads to cushion the blow?

Raising a girl in this "modern world" is tricky business. I believe whether a girl is deemed beautiful or plain, girls are expected to be a long list of juxtapositions: soft but strong, kind but tough, smart but relatable, trusting but cautious, friendly but not inviting, safe but daring, mainstream but creative, etc. And don't get me started on how horrible girls can be to each other (at age 9 or at 40!)

And while i know I cannot control the future, I pray that somehow my life experience will prevent her from having to learn too much the hard way. I pray that her happy energy is not squelched by hard knocks along the way. I pray she can hang on to the self-confidence and loudly proclaim "Hello world! It's my party, glad you came, now get out of my way so I can lead!"

1 comment:

  1. She sure is a party!! Col Col was sad to see his Jilly leave today and that she went home to her house. We love that sweet little girl and her sweet Mommy!

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