tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90995021947657391692024-03-13T07:18:51.661-05:00Over 40 in a 20 (But now I am 50)As an over 40 stay-at-home-mom, I often say “This is why people should have kids in their 20s” as I am chasing my toddler around. Welcome to the world of creaking knees, saggy boobs, and tiny footprints.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-9791422736502831382015-08-04T22:59:00.002-05:002015-08-04T23:04:36.547-05:00Hope Fabric<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEityGUm-VSw0lLuqZbr19Mm3YmpXrlY9gSfLdOUR5LNiUwIW7RivYWRbpnuNJQx8PUnyjOUdhJ1Fm34sRHohLkDCrncFCIcTBl3YOV8TgJu3Hjo80Fg_SO0Gt239IAT5lHUX5ufoymvOQY/s1600/IMG_2814.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEityGUm-VSw0lLuqZbr19Mm3YmpXrlY9gSfLdOUR5LNiUwIW7RivYWRbpnuNJQx8PUnyjOUdhJ1Fm34sRHohLkDCrncFCIcTBl3YOV8TgJu3Hjo80Fg_SO0Gt239IAT5lHUX5ufoymvOQY/s320/IMG_2814.JPG" width="212" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> It looks
like a simple back-to-school skirt, but that skirt was a long time in the
making. It was approximately 10 years
ago this month that Jeff and I took what would end up being our last attempt to
have a biological child. We had been
trying for several years with various assistance, but this time we would try
in-vitro. </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">All the
drugs and hormones coursing through my veins had me in nesting mode and while I
had tried not to get my hopes up, I could not help myself when I saw the Dick
& Jane fabric. I still owned the book
my Mom used in school and I learned to read with it, too. I decided it would
become the fabric for our baby’s nursery.
I bought several yards of it as well as yards and yards of coordinating
gingham. So much hope in all that yardage.
But there would be no baby. With many tears, I put all those dreams in a
box.</span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE8wkSWzaZP4ACdYCTMyhfChBNZiqhDIyqRmOgDktnZiTmn6CKjRoFWQVydNoDU2Kxk2dq9t1uvSde5RsIM04eN8GUQjRk_aFlIcR-xf9THnNRnaXzMcv9cKy9si6nAf25ZuXgD47GrrE/s1600/IMG_2827.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE8wkSWzaZP4ACdYCTMyhfChBNZiqhDIyqRmOgDktnZiTmn6CKjRoFWQVydNoDU2Kxk2dq9t1uvSde5RsIM04eN8GUQjRk_aFlIcR-xf9THnNRnaXzMcv9cKy9si6nAf25ZuXgD47GrrE/s200/IMG_2827.JPG" width="132" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">When we learned
we would be adopting, I looked at the fabric and decided it wasn’t right for the
nursery. This baby needed her own nursery theme. So I tucked Dick & Jane
away again thinking perhaps it could be used to make something to wear on her
first day of Kindergarten. </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">As Jillian
grew and her personality grew, making her wear something proved to be a
difficult task. Even after Grammie made it I was afraid the skirt would end up
hanging in her closet unworn. But there
she was on the first day of Kindergarten wearing my hope fabric. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwJ4_t2jobjyd3ti3Hdj4DwXskvzC60IcAaW6jgdTERG_QkMiO9ulmA5nZq2rcqJ4iHn9xJWNqJehJPoCjX9ZSPSpFwIFXFGkjy-oyZnuImfGoZVs4CP2_o7af77tIQOppuhIbCVqPGHk/s1600/IMG_2804.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwJ4_t2jobjyd3ti3Hdj4DwXskvzC60IcAaW6jgdTERG_QkMiO9ulmA5nZq2rcqJ4iHn9xJWNqJehJPoCjX9ZSPSpFwIFXFGkjy-oyZnuImfGoZVs4CP2_o7af77tIQOppuhIbCVqPGHk/s200/IMG_2804.JPG" width="133" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">It may be just a piece of clothing, but seeing
her in that little skirt as we sent her into the big world brought it all full
circle. SHE is exactly what I hoped and prayed for 10 years ago. SHE is why I bought that fabric. SHE was always meant to be ours. God’s answer
to our prayers wasn’t what we expected, but it was far better. </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Sometimes God reveals Himself in funny ways
-- even in a yard of fabric. </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-21403964127275762302014-08-15T14:39:00.004-05:002015-08-04T23:05:02.632-05:00Ginger Grau February 2000 – August 15, 2014<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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The truth is that I am not really a dog person. I grew up with great cats, but
we never had much luck with dogs. They slobbered too much and were too hyper,
too dumb, to rough, or too valuable and stolen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I always figured I would be a cat person the rest of my life. Until I
fell in love with someone allergic to cats.</div>
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<br /></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYAK10NgD4H5ZbvxIZk63RRRjv2CKrcLg7yt4_w3NwOMA8zSnzw4Z86FSPgWIUjWPOpvDxnF7_USzoBkZLIrWllhqa2FuKEwX_2aEW_3kvE-HS95O2w2NRcehr1HspuiXMW8vTbbkH_2s/s1600/ginger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYAK10NgD4H5ZbvxIZk63RRRjv2CKrcLg7yt4_w3NwOMA8zSnzw4Z86FSPgWIUjWPOpvDxnF7_USzoBkZLIrWllhqa2FuKEwX_2aEW_3kvE-HS95O2w2NRcehr1HspuiXMW8vTbbkH_2s/s1600/ginger.jpg" width="200" /></a>Ginger was born in early 2000, but came to us in September
of that year. We had gone to the SPCA to adopt a beagle after enjoying one of
our friend’s dogs. But when we went to see the beagle, this gorgeous
ginger-colored dog was sprawled across the kennel like she owned the place
while the beagle shivered in the corner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was love at first sight. After being spayed, we brought her home and
she was still so mellow… only to find out a few days later that she was
suffering from Parvo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was touch and
go, but after a few days at the vet (and a few bills later), she recovered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then we met the REAL Ginger: protective,
active, energetic, sweet, snuggly, insistent, smart, fast, and strong enough to
pull a sled (if we had the need in Texas).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We learned she was not a big fan of dog parks or other dogs for that
matter, especially when she was just with me because she considered herself to
be the head of the pack when Jeff was not around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her bark was much worse than her bite (she
was not a biter); however, she loved to chase squirrels and rabbits and caught a
few of them, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She loved riding in
the car with her head out the window as well as on our boat. Her favorite treat on road trips was her own cup of Sonic Ice. She also loved
camping and exploring the woods with us, but let her off her leash and she was
out of sight in a split second… only to come home hours later smiling like she
had just been at a huge party.<br />
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We never knew her exact breed. She had the personality,
body, and markings of a Canaan, but <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>more
than likely she was a Husky-Sheppard mix. In Texas, this meant she was ALWAYS
shedding her white undercoat. I am pretty sure we had enough hair each year to
make several small dogs!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Moving to
Arkansas was not much better since colder winters brought on a thicker coat so
Spring was still quite a shedding mess. But the trade-off was that she had a
silky soft coat that you just couldn’t help but pet. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheR-991EfuuIXEicr5PxNgueskVVa0vodkmJ6lU6KrqKFCpH5EOS-PodUMPLd0z50rnMK5Xy5kQIQM-YxOUUrJHNuojvFQQ_xWsvAK4ovpJd-EoS7NU_leRotoKCp4nJ_3qacNxRA2NMk/s1600/215741_1028355755319_9795_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheR-991EfuuIXEicr5PxNgueskVVa0vodkmJ6lU6KrqKFCpH5EOS-PodUMPLd0z50rnMK5Xy5kQIQM-YxOUUrJHNuojvFQQ_xWsvAK4ovpJd-EoS7NU_leRotoKCp4nJ_3qacNxRA2NMk/s1600/215741_1028355755319_9795_n.jpg" width="200" /></a>Ginger was meant to be a crated dog, but early on she
convinced me that she should sleep on the bed when Jeff traveled. She usually took
her place on his side of the bed. This was our secret… well, mostly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ginger was a great comfort while we were
going through infertility treatments for several years. When Jeff was gone, It
was Ginger that sat by me as I charted and tested, listened to me cry, stayed
up to watch movies, and shared ice cream and popcorn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was also my protector – barking at
strange noises and hunkering down with me on stormy nights in our “safe” room. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbT9B_MZpZtUa1rN5uSKyFwlAoo7wlach2lpNJCnxYCinlZalbuNGitpxjMTjrKoteN8uZdyVXvkH_J0QcvwCVrpp8JkhX-B0MCf_SVFLhGj1_6POXZPlkon0zBwBCMsq71P0JPUqK7uI/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-08-14-00h48m45s156.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbT9B_MZpZtUa1rN5uSKyFwlAoo7wlach2lpNJCnxYCinlZalbuNGitpxjMTjrKoteN8uZdyVXvkH_J0QcvwCVrpp8JkhX-B0MCf_SVFLhGj1_6POXZPlkon0zBwBCMsq71P0JPUqK7uI/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-08-14-00h48m45s156.png" width="200" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv6skGzUhzbYISUz9QsKweFUjxbXIqMW4cSLuIbktknjAdF9rfphxtrs8Y8NXauvI7bfMPLL-hPyJ9x2KgVJhMZETqD0df1nXeyZbNBP0RkvAYXVk3sykP5qY4R5IGm3B7pqaVBgipB4E/s1600/IMG_0406.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv6skGzUhzbYISUz9QsKweFUjxbXIqMW4cSLuIbktknjAdF9rfphxtrs8Y8NXauvI7bfMPLL-hPyJ9x2KgVJhMZETqD0df1nXeyZbNBP0RkvAYXVk3sykP5qY4R5IGm3B7pqaVBgipB4E/s1600/IMG_0406.JPG" width="200" /></a>When Jillian came home, I was concerned that our fur baby of
10 years would be jealous. But she took to Jillian immediately: sleeping on the
floor of her room; kissing her head; snuggling next to her on the floor; chasing
each other around the house; letting Jillian adorn her with hats and pearls and
crowns; taking walks and sharing snacks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even as she grew older and had more pain, she never once bit down on
Jillian. Yeah, she yelped and nipped a few times in the past year, but we could
not have asked for any better behavior from a senior dog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqtrt4Xr-tBebrkPLH_rqEOibwoBYXbnDQenP7O5uPoyFj0HoRInEJSiruGV2VoJhecdFhHoSyuEbM9B2AIBm841Vd6zkkwF0gaZP2APdXpMb7S3josjGWH9zmOxRdgKCzy4TpR7FzU78/s1600/20140813_211337.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqtrt4Xr-tBebrkPLH_rqEOibwoBYXbnDQenP7O5uPoyFj0HoRInEJSiruGV2VoJhecdFhHoSyuEbM9B2AIBm841Vd6zkkwF0gaZP2APdXpMb7S3josjGWH9zmOxRdgKCzy4TpR7FzU78/s1600/20140813_211337.jpg" width="200" /></a>At age 14 ½, Ginger had cataracts, was losing teeth,
starting to lose weight, limping, losing footing and slipping, having trouble
with stairs, panting heavily most of the day, and experiencing obvious pain
when moving too quickly or changing positions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Over the past few weeks, she became incontinent and seemed to experience
pain in her stomach area. However, she gave us glimpses of the perky dog she
used to be and she remained a patient, loyal, and sweet girl to us all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Making the decision to let her go has been one of the most difficult decisions we have ever had to make. She is pain free now and I hope chasing squirrels in a heavenly field. We will miss her fur on our clothes, her
gentle nose nudges to make you go where she wanted you to go, and her bark
reminding you that she was waiting at the door to come back inside. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-22411496075746505522014-02-17T10:20:00.002-06:002014-02-17T10:20:27.868-06:00The Rule Breaker<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As I was
cleaning the bathroom, which is about the only time my 4 year old leaves me
alone in the bathroom, I had a little time to replay an argument my husband and
I had yesterday… </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When I left
the house Sunday, I left some very stained mixed-colored clothes in a pre-wash
cycle to soak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I came home two
hours later, those clothes were hot and dry in the dryer… stains still intact. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And. I. Lost. It. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my husband’s defense, he had put some
clothes he “needed” for his one day trip out of town that afternoon. (Okay,
sure, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but being that he had two baskets
full of clean clothes in our bedroom, I can’t imagine he didn’t have something
he could wear… ). I reminded him (with a loud and lashing tongue) that our laundry
rule was that he was not supposed to put stuff in the dryer without asking me
first. He could wash and dry HIS whites or socks, any towels, and any jeans,
but that all other laundry was to be left to me (this rule came in to play
after many a sweater, shirt, or dry cleaning only item was ruined after a wash
and dry in our early marriage). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course,
this turned in to a very loud “discussion” with Jeff complaining that he couldn’t
keep up with all my rules! Rules about laundry, what to clean with what product,
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>what brand to buy, insisting Jillian
wearing shorts under dresses, reading labels to avoid Red 40, etc. etc. etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I got so
loud that poor Jillian pulled out the old Daniel Tiger “Take a breath and count
to 10” phrase to try to calm me down which made me laugh, but didn’t curb my
frustration. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then she told Jeff he
needed to apologize for doing the laundry wrong and I needed to apologize for
yelling. And we did. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And like we always
do when Jillian sees her loud parents bicker (yeah, I know… we have a therapy
account) we apologized, kissed, and made up. Plus we had a “family hug.” </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But that
wasn’t what I was thinking about in the bathroom. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I was thinking about how many
“rules” I set in place without even realizing it. In fact, I may even set up my
husband for failure with some of my rules and expectations simply because I don’t
tell him what they are until he breaks one! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And really, who wants to help someone that
berates you for doing something wrong at every turn?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone who is never completely satisfied
with your performance? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone who
forgets that you have the stress of a new job and family finances on your brain?
Someone that doesn’t acknowledge how tired you are at the end of the day when
she throws a bouncing child at you and runs out the door? Someone who wonders
why nothing was “done” while she was gone? Someone that took 5 minutes out of a
major project with a deadline to try to help out by doing some laundry?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, that is a job I would quit. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I don’t want Jeff to quit. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And the more I thought about that, I started thinking about God. And a lesson from Sunday about grace and forgiveness. And how God does forgive us without beating us over the head about what we did. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So today I
resolve (okay, maybe I am resolving for the 10<sup>th</sup> time) to better communicate
my expectations. I resolve to forgive without berating when they aren’t followed to the letter. I resolve
to recognize that not everything has to be done MY way and that one or two pairs of pink underwear
or one $10 T-shirt tossed into the stained “playclothes” pile isn’t the end of
the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, and while I’m at it, I
resolve to quit yelling (for the 100<sup>th</sup> time... God forgive me). </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-8964298797367206882014-01-30T00:00:00.000-06:002014-01-30T00:00:02.049-06:00Fifteen Years with The One<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Once upon a time there was a boy. He was new to the big
city of Dallas and was just looking for a good time. And there was a girl. She
grew up in the big city of Dallas and was tired of the dating scene. She even
wrote a list of 50 qualities of the ideal mate as an excuse to not get serious
about anyone. And yet, both were looking in the Personals one fall day and they
found each other. That boy called that girl’s Personals Ad and said, “Call me
back because I’m the one.” And the rest is history.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Since January 30, 1999, that boy, Jeff, has been the one next to me
as we laughed, cried, and screamed on the rollercoaster of life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some said we wouldn’t last a year. To be sure,
there have been times it took a lot for us to last another minute. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as I reflect, I am amazed at how much we
have been through together. For fun, and in no particular order, here are is a brief summation of the details, memories, and statistics of our 15 years of marriage:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Encouraged each other through 8 career changes
and 5 part-time MLMs (most of which were mine)</span>.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Improved ourselves with 1 college degree and
1 teaching certificate</span>.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Survived 6 surgeries, 1 stroke, 2 ambulances,
and a few major illnesses (mostly mine).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mourned the loss of two grandmothers, one
father, two uncles, one aunt, three cousins, and too many friends.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Supported each other through sibling
struggles.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Traveled to 3 countries, 13 major cities, and
many small towns along the way (which doesn't include all of Jeff's travel for work).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Enjoyed the outdoors through camping,
canoeing, hiking, and boating.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Experienced the real and perceived fears of Y2K,
9/11, .COM crash and Wall Street debacles.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Calmed me down from a panic attack on a plane to
NYC after 9/11.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Put up with the speed of Dial-Up and cell
phones that only dialed numbers.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Bought, sold, maintained, and banged up 5
cars.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Moved all our stuff 4 times.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Bought 2 houses.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Worshiped at 5 churches.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Prepared for numerous ice storms, tornadoes, and zombie apocalypse.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Said "NO" 10 times each to 4 timeshare salesmen.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Telecommuted (worked from home) for 15 years.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Traveled 5 days a week for 2 years before 1
major move from Texas to Arkansas.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Took the girl out of Texas, but not the Texas
out of the girl.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Held me through hysteria in a small plane over the
Rockies.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Still claimed me after I screamed cuss words on the Batman ride at 6
Flags.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Videotaped the zap trap that couldn’t stop
the mouse.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Laughed about your slide across the bathroom
floor.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sailed and feared drowning on a Hobie cat in
the ocean.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Gifted me a ride in a Hot Air balloon over
McKinney.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Paddled a canoe in alligator infested waters.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Accompanied me on a dream to sing at Carnegie
Hall.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Forgot to put the drain plug in the boat on
the first day on the lake.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Participated in 5,340 banter sessions and </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">5,340 laughter sessions.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Created over 82,000 memories.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Shared in the losing, gaining, losing, gaining, and losing of too many pounds to mention.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Helped me find lost jewelry,
money, glasses, clothes, and keys.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Generated 2,340 loads of laundry.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Fell in love with our dog and fur baby, Ginger, that day at
the SPCA.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Helped move my Mom closer to us.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Loved through the heartache of 5 rounds of Clomid, 2 rounds of AI, 1 Invitro procedure, 1 international
adoption information session, and 6 foster-to-adopt classes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Made it possible for us to adopt and for me to stay at home with
our beautiful daughter.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But most importantly, you have adored me despite my sassy
remarks, artistic quirks, Lucille Ball tendencies, and housekeeping challenges. I love you, Jeffrey Grau.</span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPUMC-slR0JHAL8yg2raUOYBZd8w5O0GkVGDsXy8uhZGXsD9KB8-rvDFdU6Ueahyd6lcQYcg83VbD_vBX725CJmlcAf9WLuieTdNJrnBOX6OBcDJm64K-T1CayQ_1_U9VAD-prXCt5OII/s1600/PhotoGrid_1359601308130.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Happy 15<sup>th </sup>Anniversary. Thanks for being “THE ONE.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">xxxoo</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Julie</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-48888371208614559642012-12-11T22:46:00.002-06:002012-12-11T23:08:14.313-06:00Taking Breaths<span style="font-size: small;">The past three years of having a toddler in my life has put me face to face with my mortality. I doubt too many moms in their 20s wonder if they will live long enough to see their daughter marry or if they will get to meet their grand kids, but at age 45 with a 3 year old, there are moments that the panic and sense of sadness about the possibility of not being there take my breath away. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">January 15, 2012 was one of those days.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">I have had a series of health issues and diagnosis over the past 20 years including PCOS, Fibromyalgia, Diabetes, and Hypothyroidism. However, my blood pressure and heart rate remained healthy so when I couldn't quit yawning, felt my body going numb, my
speech slowing, and my focus getting fuzzy, I wanted to believe it was
anything but a stroke. The ER doctor said otherwise. I was having a mini-stroke called a TIA (transient ischemic attack) -- likely in reaction to some new hormone medication. Luckily, it was minor and
I had no permanent damage, but it was definitely the final wake up call
I needed to throw my hands up and say "uncle" to losing weight on my
own and doing everything within my power to be here for my Bean as long as possible. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">It has been 11 months since I was shaken to my core and made the choice to have Gastric Sleeve surgery and am currently down 50 pounds. Not only do I feel much more confident that I will be here for Bean, I also know that if for some reason I am not here, that her memory of me will not be the tired, overweight Mom sitting on the couch in pain and watching her child from the sidelines. It will be of the new Mom I have become this year. The mom that slides down the tall tower slide at the park; the mom that chases her down the street when she bolts away; the mom that agrees to carry her even though she is too big to be carried; the mom that lets her make messes with paint and glitter, and play dough because she isn't too tired to clean it all up.
A Mom that lives by this quote: "<b>Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; But by the moments that take our breath away…."</b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3VDhIVHqJKgghw6-Y3ct1sOQ5Z-0STaP08jIziA_4uXxp8toOzZ_z7DWn_kLaet-z_xBieS8ExAZYEA0J4EB2evfrwSca-3pbpCy_W4PyvTHQb6P6YAwBj9mbZDhgdJJv_Q0Mqaf25C4/s1600/The+Slide.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3VDhIVHqJKgghw6-Y3ct1sOQ5Z-0STaP08jIziA_4uXxp8toOzZ_z7DWn_kLaet-z_xBieS8ExAZYEA0J4EB2evfrwSca-3pbpCy_W4PyvTHQb6P6YAwBj9mbZDhgdJJv_Q0Mqaf25C4/s320/The+Slide.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-86619179718000743892012-01-10T22:25:00.004-06:002012-12-11T23:04:00.650-06:00Broke Back MamaThe one thing that every mama HAS to do for her little ones is pick up. Pick up stuff off the floor. Pick up stuff out of their mouth. Pick up laundry. Pick up dishes. And of course, pick up the little one -- all 30 squirming pounds of them. Somedays I feel like I have bent over 10,000 times and decide I can't do it one more time so I pick things up with my toes. Other days I just step over the crap on the floor and hope that someone else (read: hubby) will pick it up without me having to ask (read: doubtful).<br /><br />In my 30s when I started seriously contemplating having children, I knew that all that picking up would be a challenge. I hurt my lower back in college by rearranging REALLY heavy dorm furniture by myself out of inpatience. After that initial healing time, my back would go out with heavy lifting or a fast twist, but I would do a few stretching exercises and it would go back in place. A few car wrecks, bad falls, Yahoo frisbee games, extra pounds, gravity, and decades later it took a few visits to my back-cracker to get things straightened out. <br /><br />Amazingly, I have managed to survive two years playing the pick up game with only a few back episodes. But I really did it this time. And wouldn't you know, it wasn't even Bean that broke my back. Once again, I decided to rearrange some crap by myself out of frustration. Two days later, I could barely stand up straight. By day three I was in the chiropractor for a "tune up" only to find that things were not going to come back together as quickly as they had in the past.<br /><br />Enter the DXR: (Blaring medeval horns here) a modern torture device similar to being stretched on a rack. For the next four weeks I will spend several days each week strapped down to a table that angles me backwards, shoves posts between my armpits to stabilize me, puts me in something similar to a rock climbing harness which caribeeners me to another side of the machine, adds weight to my lower body, bends me in half, and stretches out my discs for 30 minutes. So not a good look for me. And I am paying for this kind of torture. I am thinking they could at least offer a few entertaining variations such as a hot guy dressed in leather telling me how bad I had been or a handsome prince coming to save me from the torture chambers.<br /><br />(True confession: my chiropractor is pretty cute, which makes the visions of me being splayed out on this machine even more garish in my mind but if he would dress up at least I would be distracted from this truth.)<br /><br />The first day was yesterday. The procedure itself was not horrible. In fact, I would say dental work is far worse. Getting off, however was excrutiating. Something about the curve in my spine and the table fought the whole time and I thought I would never walk right again. This is what happens after all that stretching out: your body has to collapse itself back together. Like an accordian. All my breath left me with that pain. After ice and stimulation (another device where electricity is jolted thru my body) I thought I could make it home. However, once I got in the car I realized I could not lift my leg enough to move it from pedal to pedal. In fact, I was totally stuck in one position because of the angle of my driver's seat. I had visions of still being there the next morning, but decided to call Jeff. (Yes, I should have called the chiropractor to come help me, but at this point I was a hot mess of tears and snot and mascara. See true confession above.) <br /><br />Jeff peeled me out of the car with the jaws of life. Okay, it was really with his strong man hands, but to me they were the jaws of life because I was dying. DYING. On a scale of 1-10 I was at a 20. <br />At home, I collapsed on our bed in a heap with an ice pack and wished I had on a diaper so I wouldn't have to get up until the next day. No such luck on that so I hobbled around with a cane a few times until 6 hours later when I was suddenly able to take more than a few steps without losing my breath. Hmmmm... maybe this was not permanent. And when I woke up this morning, I was pleased that I was able to get out of bed with only minimal cane-age. <br /><br />Then I got to repeat the procedure. This time I took Jeff for entertainment; no costumes -- he was my Pandora DJ. The accordian collapse of my intestines and spine did not send me to tears this time and within 3 hours of the procedure I was able to walk without the cane. And 6 hours later I was actually STRAIGHT!! Not pain free, but straight up and down for the first time in 10 days.<br /><br />So there is a glimmer of hope that this Broke Back Mama will be able to get back to picking up. For now I will keep using my toes, teaching my toddler how to pick up for me, and praying that my husband doesn't decide to trade me in for a better model.<br /><br />(P.S. In case you are wondering, I have some fabulous friends who are helping entertain Bean for part of the day so I can get tortured without worrying about her. LOVE them.)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-4234248344431672272011-12-05T23:36:00.003-06:002012-12-11T23:03:35.829-06:00The Party is HereToday my Bean is 23 months old. This is the last month I can name her age by months without someone thinking I'm a bit silly, but I may just do it to keep her my baby a little longer. Of course, she is blasting through this baby business lately and I am seeing a determined, confident little girl starting to appear. At mother's day out, they always say "the party is here" as she runs down the hallway to her class waving and saying hi to everyone along the way. A friend of mine says "This is Bean's world. We are just visiting."<br /><br />And they are right. Bean is a beautiful child. (I have no qualms in saying this since we don't share DNA.) I see how strangers turn to look at her and how she lights up any room she walks into with a happy energy. She rarely meets a stranger and while she loves all the attention, she is also ready to "He'p" someone who is hurt or to ask if someone is "Okay." And each time I see her in action I think "don't mess this up, Julie." I have never felt so terrified as I do thinking about her future. I know all too well some of the things that can really hurt a girl's spirit. I am still putting pieces of myself back together years later. I so want to protect her from the bumps and heartaches of growing up, all the while knowing that is just part of it. But is it too much to hope for a few bumper pads to cushion the blow? <br /><br />Raising a girl in this "modern world" is tricky business. I believe whether a girl is deemed beautiful or plain, girls are expected to be a long list of juxtapositions: soft but strong, kind but tough, smart but relatable, trusting but cautious, friendly but not inviting, safe but daring, mainstream but creative, etc. And don't get me started on how horrible girls can be to each other (at age 9 or at 40!)<br /><br />And while i know I cannot control the future, I pray that somehow my life experience will prevent her from having to learn too much the hard way. I pray that her happy energy is not squelched by hard knocks along the way. I pray she can hang on to the self-confidence and loudly proclaim "Hello world! It's my party, glad you came, now get out of my way so I can lead!"Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-67155424377865069182011-12-03T13:39:00.000-06:002012-12-11T23:01:11.268-06:00Messy Confessions<span style="font-weight: bold;"></span>I have been so irritated with our home lately -- less storage, smaller rooms, etc. It was just barely enough house when Jeff and I moved here three years ago. We downsized and still ended up having to rent a storage room for some family antiques. Then we added Bean and her collection of toys and tutus has us bursting at the seams. For decades, families had a lot more people in a lot less space and one bathroom behind the house, but they had a lot less STUFF. <br />
So lately, I have been convinced that if I had more storage and larger rooms (not to mention a maid) that I would be a much better housekeeper. Seriously, how is that as a stay-at-home-mom with less house to maintain that I do a worse job of it than when I worked and had more house?<br />
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But then I made this list:<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />True confessions: </span><br />
<ul>
<li>I am the child of two "stackers". (My father's home office was a mound of paper and my mom's trick for getting ready for company is to dump it all in baskets or make neat piles.) </li>
<li>I had few chores as a child. (My father had so many chores on the farm when he was a kid that he was way too easy on what my brother and I were required to do around the house.)</li>
<li>I hate to pick up. (When I was about 11, my mom went back to work and we had a maid once a week and I recall having to do a mass pick up to get ready for the maid. That seemed so weird -- cleaning up for the maid.) </li>
<li>I was a very messy kid. (I still have a book my mom bought me called <span style="font-style: italic;">The Big Clean-Up</span> to encourage me to keep my room clean. It didn't work.)</li>
<li> I have been known to step over something 10 times before I will bend over and pick it up. </li>
<li>At home, I am lucky if I can find my keys much less my favorite book or that watch I am still missing. </li>
<li>My creative brain can be highly tolerant of chaos and rejects routine.</li>
<li>I have trouble putting something back in the same place twice, but in jobs I am able to be very organized unless things get really stressful at which point my desk disappears.</li>
<li>I sleep in a nest of 3-4 pillows.</li>
<li>I appreciate my family heirlooms.</li>
<li>I love to see photos of my friends and family on my table.</li>
<li>I enjoy my art and collectibles.</li>
<li>I tend to keep quirky things that bring back memories.</li>
<li>I save pieces of ribbons, buttons, and cool paper to use in art projects.</li>
<li>I find it difficult to throw away good cardboard, an old spiral, or the piece that I am not sure what it is but I may need it later.</li>
<li>I always end up needing the one thing I finally sold, gave away, or threw out.</li>
<li>I have boxes of clothes from when I was a baby that Jilly has gotten to wear and I love that.</li>
<li>I have my mom's prom dress.</li>
<li>I have my prom shoes.</li>
<li>Trust me, my husband has just as much stuff!<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></li>
</ul>
Oops. There it is. The problem isn't the house. In college, my freshman roommate told me during a fight over decorating our room that I lived in a lot of space. Funny how that stuck with me, but as you can tell from the list above, it is true. <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;"></span>I found this entry in an old journal blog which reminds me why we bought the size home we have and what our goal was for living here. It is good to remember this when I have spent the last few days lamenting the wisdom our choice: <br />
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<span style="font-style: italic;">July, 2008: Jeff and I came to an agreement tonight that we wanted to make some changes in our life that buying a larger, more expensive home wouldn’t help us do. Sure, we can afford a house on the lake, but do we want to be slaves to a house payment and then never home to enjoy it? We’d like a little slower pace of life and time to enjoy it. If we buy a little away from the lake, but close enough to get there, we may actually be able to afford for me to stay home and start our family. At age 40, that dream is getting a little more time-sensitive, so if we are going to make this type of life change, the time is now.</span><br />
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And it was the right choice. We adopted Jillian in 2010. I am home with her. I am grateful for both of those things. My mantra needs to be "We have enough." Because we do. In fact, we have more than we need. I need to accept what I have as a gift and figure out a way to be happy with where I am planted.<br />
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Which leaves me addressing the stuff. How do we make a life for ourselves in the present if we are bogged down by the stuff of our past and overwhelmed by the stuff gathering as part of our future? I have friends that tell me just to get rid it. Take a photo of what you love and then the item is not taking up space. I have been giving away and selling stuff, but it is hard to let go (see above confessions) when I don't just want to see the item but I want to feel the wood smoothed by many hands touching it, study the scratches and tooth marks on it, and be reminded of how I tripped and scratched the back of that prom shoe. But I am working on letting go of all that so I can make room for what is to come. <br />
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I don't really have a nice bow to wrap up this package of thoughts; in reality if I was making a bow I would have misplaced the ribbon, lost the scissors, and stepped on a Duplo block while looking, so I am ending here:<br />
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Depression is caused by living in the past.<br />
Anxiety is caused by living in the future.<br />
Happiness is caused by living in the present.<br />
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Guess it is time to clean house.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-66879333735740407142011-12-02T22:55:00.000-06:002012-12-11T23:02:31.161-06:00A Gift just as I begin to fall... October 2008<h3 class="post-title entry-title">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1xuuaXizMQy-azmbVMWs5QkqKkshyphenhypheny9fdPzrb7Pci2xxVM1ISADsWhHz3AmwMYmsH19kqOFenZtpwZMxt2F3jz3CFO5q6c8ECmjZkz8bYjgfaOXb36-auOPE5TokhVbhJaINAot7VA78/s1600-h/Backyard+002.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262353964206113442" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1xuuaXizMQy-azmbVMWs5QkqKkshyphenhypheny9fdPzrb7Pci2xxVM1ISADsWhHz3AmwMYmsH19kqOFenZtpwZMxt2F3jz3CFO5q6c8ECmjZkz8bYjgfaOXb36-auOPE5TokhVbhJaINAot7VA78/s200/Backyard+002.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: left; height: 150px; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 200px;" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">My brain was flittering all morning. I couldn't concentrate and having to re-do work because I wasn't focused. Then it came... the news that my subconscious was anxiously awaiting and keeping me off my game: the pathology report. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">Let me back up, with as little detail as necessary: I had a D&C last week to "vacuum" my girly parts due to a biopsy that showed some pre-cancerous cells. We were hoping that the report would show that the biopsy was not anything to worry about right now; we were hoping that we'd get to be the couple who could get prepared for one more round of Invitro in a few months -- something that we've heard often has more success after a D&C; we were hoping that the news would be more positive than not.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">So, I'm trying to work with little success when I hear my cell phone ring. I'm on the phone with a co-worker, so I didn't try to catch it, but then it happens: a voicemail from my DOCTOR. Not the nurse; the doctor. Now when has your doctor ever called with GOOD news?? Perhaps they need to get into the practice of that just so you don't know what it means when they call you before you speak with them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">But I digress. The doctor reminded me that after surgery he had noted that the what he took out was too fluffy. Evidently, "too fluffy" to a doctor is what a pathologist says is "as bad as it can be without being called cancerous," but they can't totally rule out that I'm not developing endometrial cancer. The C word is scary enough, but when you are about to turn 41, been through tons of fertility treatments and procedures, and holding out hope for one more year to try for a bio-child, there is a scarier H word: hysterectomy. Soon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">I process this all while sitting in my cubicle facing the rest of the office and realize I'm about to totally lose it. Escape. Gotta go. Boss out, I email his Blackberry, call my husband to come pick me up NOW, and I nearly ran out of the building for fresh air and sunshine: my cure-all. I won't dwell on the tears that flowed when I saw my husband or the painful conversation that followed. What I want to tell you about next is the gift I got once I got home. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbvtJs3SRPTRaNG7cSZSpeE7NJHlOVGwoGrNkNzMvn3vU1aBOXUHWdS5s8E-3z0wud8WEJs6Eg9xIdDqFX-5Xuxoe56iLKQIhVITejFnR3nEGL0DYEAXH0pYqbh2oL51MHb2GGi9hhUIk/s1600-h/Backyard+013.jpg"><span style="font-size: 85%;"></span></a><span style="font-size: 85%;"> I NEED to be outside every day or I get nutso. And when I'm sad, I REALLY need to be outside. Luckily, today was cold but sunny and my back deck was the perfect spot to escape and soak up some of my personal medicine. I decided to grab my camera when little birds were jumping around the tree, but they flew off before I returned. Disappointed, but not without hope, I sat still in my chair enjoying the sunshine and colors of fall hoping to get a great shot of the birds when he came: the cardinal.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">The cardinal is one of the regular visitors to my bird feeder but I never seem to have a camera when he comes by and he skitters off once I show up with one. But today was different. He landed on a tree not too far away an</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsDILpgFIkVCTGek50kbm8OwwgsNGu6tqFaAnHTllJggOfOCztZ5erppPYBXdrnlDQPsedGCwwUZ-JgBNRV-V42ufOPd9UJCHxR_LFl8FmZwUC5JsVhFGWF2XkSly6vZa89ipDgRZlVxs/s1600-h/redbird+close.jpg"><span style="font-size: 85%;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262351235817754498" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsDILpgFIkVCTGek50kbm8OwwgsNGu6tqFaAnHTllJggOfOCztZ5erppPYBXdrnlDQPsedGCwwUZ-JgBNRV-V42ufOPd9UJCHxR_LFl8FmZwUC5JsVhFGWF2XkSly6vZa89ipDgRZlVxs/s320/redbird+close.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: right; height: 240px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 320px;" /></span></a><span style="font-size: 85%;">d just looked at me. And he sat. And sat. And sat. I clicked. And clicked. And clicked. Then he jumped down a few branches closer. And sat. I clicked. My heart warmed. The photo was perfect!Watching me closely, he jumped to the tree by the bird feeder, peeked around a post at me and then quickly flew off, done with his modeling job for the day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">Next, I hear stomping in the leaves down by the creek and get to the edge of the deck in time to see a family of deer run up the opposite hill behind my home. I was so excited to catch a quick photo of </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN9TMDjhL-pA2cNl0hLDrHCI2bgGF0wU9byOUOVhDpN1hyphenhyphenuKL7Jqax1RLR6j9mHjZVAtkLT7nPnEHZo79syOVg2zuZLmvNfZmwYatNPItOgYIA1NX1r28sz-tp2QGbLCbG1OAHpey5XpM/s1600-h/deer+behind+the+house.jpg"><span style="font-size: 85%;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5262352555775669442" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN9TMDjhL-pA2cNl0hLDrHCI2bgGF0wU9byOUOVhDpN1hyphenhyphenuKL7Jqax1RLR6j9mHjZVAtkLT7nPnEHZo79syOVg2zuZLmvNfZmwYatNPItOgYIA1NX1r28sz-tp2QGbLCbG1OAHpey5XpM/s320/deer+behind+the+house.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: left; height: 320px; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 300px;" /></span></a><span style="font-size: 85%;">one of them, although not too great <i>(Can you see the deer in the bottom left corner?),</i> and realized I was actually smiling and feeling better. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">The gift. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">The reminder: </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">The birds are cared for. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">The animals are cared for. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">God is still caring for me even when I feel defeated. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?....And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?...But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.</i> Matthew 6: 26, 27, 30 NAS</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;">Faith. I need to hold on to the faith that God's plan will become clear to us as Jeff and I walk down this unexpected path. Not easy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.</i> Jeremiah 29:11<br /><br />FOOTNOTE: I had my hysterectomy December 2008 and although my pre-cancerous girl parts were horrible looking, it had not progressed to cancer. Some would think that was terrible -- that I could have had another chance at a child of my own. However, the chance of this turning to cancer were far, far greater than the chance of my getting pregnant </span><span style="font-size: 85%;">and the fact that Hubby lost his mother way too young to cancer made the choice very clear.</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-25071165089322660372011-12-02T13:05:00.006-06:002013-05-10T21:06:37.406-05:00The Childless MotherWARNING: You may need kleenex for this one. (added per my friends' request)<br />
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In starting this blog, I have been sifting thru an older and neglected blog I started for my art & memoir writings pre-Jillian. I came across this piece I wrote in August 2007 in a fabulous writing course I took when I was a teacher in Texas. I have been thinking alot lately of how amazing it is that Hubby and I even got to "here" and know that it was a long, winding road. Rediscovering this memoir brought it all back and reminds me of an old saying (and more recently a Brad Paisley song) that God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we expect...<br />
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The Childless Mother<br />
A Memoir By Julie Grau<br />
written August 2007<br />
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The couple ahead walks into the sanctuary. I capture a glimpse of the woman’s smile as she looks up at the man soothing the baby cradled in his strong arms. Pick, pick, pick. The scab splits wide open and I find myself unexpectedly nursing the injury as it oozes fresh juices. My mother always told me not to pick scabs. “It is best for wounds to heal correctly inside or you end up with a nasty mess brewing beneath the top layer,” she’d lecture as she applied band-aids to the latest dent on my shin. I’ve been trying to let this particular scab heal for a while now, but it continues to fester. What will it take to heal the wound of being a childless mother?<br />
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At least once a week I am forced to face the pain. There’s the curiosity of my students whose parents are mostly still in their twenties: “Why don’t you have kids?”; “Don’t you want kids?”; “Aren’t you too old to have kids?” My favorite came from a student who always tells it like it is: “If you have kids now they’ll be teased when they are in school because you’ll be old like a grandmother!” Then there’s the fact that in fast-growing McKinney, I meet new people all the time who invariably ask the question, “Do you have kids?” Hmm… how should I answer today? There’s the simple leave-this-topic-alone answer, “No.” But then again, there’s my usual funny answer, “Yes, if you count my husband and my dog.” Of course, there’s the serious answer, “No, we’ve been working on it for awhile now.” Or, the one I’d love to say, “It is none of your #@$* business!”<br />
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The responses to my childlessness often tell me a great deal about each person’s character:<br />
· The well-meaning – “I have a cousin who got pregnant right after they adopted.”<br />
· The optimist – “My sister had beautiful twins at 43.<br />
· The faithful – “God has a plan for you.”<br />
· The irksome – “My friend adopted the cutest little China doll. She’s fun to dress up.”<br />
· The realist – “You are so lucky. You can travel a lot and sleep late!”<br />
· The clueless – “Well, trying is the fun part!”<br />
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Most of these people have valid points: I don’t have dirty diapers to change, soccer games to attend, or nannies to pay; not to mention that I am about to turn 40 which would make me a 50 year old PTO member. My time is my own – shared only with a husband who loves me dearly and a dog that is happy with a tummy rub. Jeff and I can rent rated R movies without the concern of “little ears,” sleep until noon on Saturdays, and travel at the drop of a hat. I have the advantage of caring for children in the role of auntie, godmother, teacher, and playmate - reading happy books, playing with fun toys, seeing cute movies, and giving cranky kids back to their mother. I suspect this is why grandparents enjoy grandkids…all the fun and little of the work. And Lord, I do understand the work required from my years as a babysitter, a nanny, and even a day care director.<br />
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Yesterday, I played mom to the seven boy "Bryn Mawr Street Gang". Why did they knock on my door? Maybe because I didn’t just tell their parents when they caused trouble, but I also learned their names, let them play in the sprinklers, talked about skateboarding, and let them pet Ginger. So in the bloodied-knee scooter incident, I was called on for band-aids and a phone to call home. Funny, since most of the kids were just as close to their doors as to mine. Perhaps I am more mothering than their mothers? Is it not better to be a universal mother than to just raise one or two? Even my old friend Kimberly’s three kids benefited from my mothering; Kimberly called after I left to tell me her kids wished I lived in San Antonio. Her oldest even came home from a trip I helped her pack for and insisted on doing her own laundry “the way Miss Julie taught me.” Hmm, that makes ten kids mothered in just two weeks.<br />
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As a teacher, I find that my classroom becomes a safe home for students. Tears? Anger? Frustration? Go see Mrs. Grau. Some students I barely know have begged for refuge in my room from their daily anxiety. So why seek me out when in need of mothering? Certainly not because I am easy on students: I demand hard work and expect personal responsibility for behavior - even behavior slightly beyond their control. I suspect mine is the only mothering some students ever really know since their young mothers struggle with revolving boyfriends, low-wage jobs, drug addictions, and various other woes of the low-socioeconomic population of McKinney.<br />
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Still, with all this mothering, I long to give my soul to a child of my own. I want a child as smart as my husband and as creative as me. A child who laughs easily, sings happily, and plays with abandon. We have tried it all to find this child, but God has not readied one for us yet. I keep playing an old movie in my head where a little angel is waiting while God is readying him for the right time on earth and the best family to meet his needs. Are we not right for someone yet? What else do we need to do? We’ve certainly done all we can to help God along: charts, temperatures, pills, shots, in-vitro, and everything in between. We’ve even been to various seminars on foreign adoption, domestic adoption, and fostering–to-adopt. Mom made a powerful statement as we discussed the possibility of becoming foster parents: “I think you’d be great at fostering, but I want to see you bring joy into your lives, not more heartache and pain.” I know she’s right. I recognize the signs that I’m not thoroughly healed from our lack of fertility to cope with bringing a child into our home only to have to return it to the parent that neglected or abused it. Forget picking a scab – that would be ripping it off and taking new skin! Besides, Jeff’s not ready to let go of the dream of having our own children. Am I? I can’t quit picturing the photo of our DNA matched up: those three perfect circles in a petri dish; those three blastocysts that I had hoped would grow into three beautiful souls; those three little angels that just weren’t ready for the world.<br />
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So I remain a childless mother. Can I find peace in this existence? Can I give this pained heart back to God and move on? The truth is that I love to mother kids and give them back. Sometimes I even prefer it that way. I delight in being the willing listener, the wisdom giver, and even the mischief maker to my friends’ children. Can I relish in helping them grow without having to pay the bills? I take pleasure in getting a new group of students and helping them discover their potential. Can I savor the time spent helping them blossom during the time that I have them? Could it be that God wants me to heal and prepare for my own child by accepting my current assignment as universal mother? Am I willing to be the stitcher of wounds, the healer of hearts, and the grower of knowledge for the children of other mothers? I’m not sure I’ve healed enough to have the answers. The scab remains tender – only recently formed. But here’s what I do know: I love having kids in my life. To that end, my heart responds, “Let the mothering begin.”Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-24930564830139231522011-12-01T23:03:00.000-06:002011-12-02T13:05:16.677-06:00Poop or get off the potWARNING: This post contains potty humor.<br /><br />I rarely ease in to anything. I either do nothing or I jump in with both feet. Evidently, my daughter has this same trait as she decided Tuesday afternoon that she was ready to poop in the potty -- catching me quite off-guard when she actually DID!! (She is 22 3/4 months old so not a potty genius like her friend M.D. at 18 months.) There I was without a camera, stickers, M&Ms or anything but a high five to commemorate the moment.<br /><br />So she spent a few hours Tuesday and all day Wednesday running back and forth to the bathroom because heaven-forbid she just use a little potty chair like other kids... we had to go on the BIG potty which meant Mommy (me) would have to bend over (remember, folks, I am over 40 here) and lift her wiggly 27 lbs. onto the potty and then help steady her little booty from falling in since I didn't have a seat insert. I finally got smart enough to put a step stool in front of the potty, but I bought a seat insert with so much cushie for her tushie that I am back to helping her get on the toilet.<br /><br />We ended Wednesday with only one turd on the floor and a few minor wet spots all without a single tangible reward besides a high five. I was pretty proud of both of us!! For those keeping score:<br /><br />Potty: 3 poops and 3 pees<br />Carpet: 1 poop and 1 pee<br />Mommy's lap: 1 pee<br />Couch: 1 pee<br /><br />And then came today. She willingly went potty right when she woke up so I didn't put a diaper back on her. To jump start the day, we watched a video about girls going potty and she started to show some interest in the smaller potty chair (which is kind of gross, but would at least give us a fast option and much easier on my back). We had a few accidents, but by noon the score was:<br /><br />Potty: 1 1/2 poops and 3 pees<br />Footstool: 1 pee<br />Carpet: 1 1/2 poops (I have to add here that when she makes these perfectly formed poops on the floor she freaks out and starts screaming "Icky! Icky!" and runs to me like it is a snake that is going to bite her. I have had to hold in my laughter every time.)<br /><br />...and it all went down hill from there. Evidently the novelty wears off about 36 hours in. I put her in pull ups for nap and when I tried to take them back off I was met with kicks and screaming "Mine!" She pulled them down for an after nap potty and eventually took them off herself, but refused to sit on the potty for the next two hours so I finally put them back on her and called it a day. Final score - Bad Attitude: 2<br /><br />And for the record, I am willing to bet that "Shit or get off the pot" was first said by someone toilet training a toddler at the time. I am seriously considering installing a chaise lounge and hiring a personal masseuse if we have to keep this up for much longer.<br /><br />(P.S. I promised to show you the disaster I created in my kitchen cooking, but that has now turned into a complete house disaster that might lead to some sort of inspector showing up at my house so instead I am including a photo of the disaster she made of me in just 24 hours...today's look is probably worse, but I refuse to look!)<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5hYP_fhsJAIIhHlNH6B7InCBdGX6OVp3Bs11fpbITq9nlNo3hrz0QjdIVJNWdCmveggDUQT8FtVYdZkhgqsLaCZtvZWviwtb5gIW8Rvp4Z5Nmn4o5zrToAoVYW4gGQ7X2VBmbJVQvWek/s1600/POtty+training+day.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 149px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5hYP_fhsJAIIhHlNH6B7InCBdGX6OVp3Bs11fpbITq9nlNo3hrz0QjdIVJNWdCmveggDUQT8FtVYdZkhgqsLaCZtvZWviwtb5gIW8Rvp4Z5Nmn4o5zrToAoVYW4gGQ7X2VBmbJVQvWek/s200/POtty+training+day.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5681329074476259762" border="0" /></a> Yup, this would have been easier in my 20s. But then again, it wouldn't have been with Bean and THAT wouldn't be okay.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-22334618984865160622011-11-30T22:41:00.007-06:002011-11-30T23:01:21.102-06:00Let's just DO PinterestSo I declared this week "must get off Pinterest and just DO Pinterest"... starting in the kitchen. I really do enjoy cooking and experimenting with new recipes, but it is not a passion of mine and I can be easily swayed into eating out or just opening a can of soup. But Pinterest has made me think I really can fry up that bacon in a pan so I decided that I WILL save money by cooking more often and I WILL have a great dinner on the table for my husband and I WILL enjoy it.<br /><br />As luck would have it, this came just as my neighbor offered me a slew (how much is a slew, really?) of fresh picked but over ripe pears. So, off to pinterest I went in search of a recipe for pear something or other.... about 5 recipes later that sounded just okay, I ended up creating my own recipe for Gingered Pear Honey.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Let me say, it is FABULOUS tasting. So much I wanted to go buy a ham just to slather it on, but I settled for some deli slices. Oh. My. Word. And look how PRETTY it is!!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-B1s4A1l9488njGLkF0oW5xlgeqMMd5-WPDHDYf0SztvvpHZQvq5UYAwz0wPxVQrMxMOEpJ6pdm5v5bYELQPDefMEDRUyMvlxWQMe2VnzqY01DkWM5WJGnsl06Dn-HyxzA6zZpW-7ENI/s1600/Gingerpearhoney.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 283px; height: 211px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-B1s4A1l9488njGLkF0oW5xlgeqMMd5-WPDHDYf0SztvvpHZQvq5UYAwz0wPxVQrMxMOEpJ6pdm5v5bYELQPDefMEDRUyMvlxWQMe2VnzqY01DkWM5WJGnsl06Dn-HyxzA6zZpW-7ENI/s320/Gingerpearhoney.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5681019889708301954" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />So, for my first real post on my blog, I will impress you with my cooking skills with an original recipe:<br /><br />Julie's Crockpot Gingered Pear Honey<br /><span class="messageBody" ft="{"type":3}"><br />2 dozen fresh picked tiny pears peeled and cored<br />1 small can crushed pineapple<br />5-6 squares of candied Ginger (I love this stuff -- like candy to me!)<br />3 c. Sugar<br />Dump it all in crockpot and stir until just mixed. Put on low overnight (6-8 hours). Turn off and let cool so you don't burn the crap out of yourself and blend in a blender or with a hand blender to thin consistency. Pour into sterilized jars and keep in refrigerator or if you have a canner, go for it. </span><br /><br />Tomorrow I may show you more of my skills...and just how horrible my kitchen looks!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9099502194765739169.post-47679657841687319782011-11-30T22:09:00.000-06:002011-11-30T22:16:39.171-06:00Hello World!<p style="font-family: arial;">So, here’s the deal. After two years as a stay-at-home mom of a now toddler who is kicking my ass daily, I have decided it is time to blog about my experiences as an over 40 mom raising a beautifully exhausting nearly 23 month old girl I call Bean. I often say to people “This is why people should have kids in their 20s” as I am chasing her around — thus the title of this blog.</p><p style="font-family: arial;">Of course, like all good mommies, this blog will also create a "history" for our family of our antics, our challenges, and our fun moments. However, this blog will also be alot about me -- the Bean gets most of the attention these days, so I need all the attention I can get elsewhere. If you know me, you will know I am often honest to a fault and often an "over sharer" and certainly don't consider many (if any) topics to be private. Therefore, this blog will be a random collection of stories I have written, art I have created, disasters I have made, ah-ha moments I have had, and more than likely a chance to bitch about something such as my husband's dirty bathroom, needing to get serious about getting healthier, and anything else that annoys me. <br /></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">So, there you have it. My first post. Welcome to my world. </span><br /></p><p><br /></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17489938056626040444noreply@blogger.com1